Dear BKaF,

I recently bet my friend $100 that the United States would win a gold medal in every single event we competed in.  Aside from Michael Phelps, we aren’t doing to [sic] well.

What can I do to resolve this situation? And, as a bonus question, how can I avoid this in the future?

Sincerely,
Overzealous Olympian

Dear Overconfident,

There are a number of things that you can do to remedy this situation:

Edit Wikipedia

Wikipedia is the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit–even you!  When your friend asks you to pay up, show him the Wikipedia page summarizing the United States’ EPIC WIN at the Olympics.  If he starts asking to “see citations” you need to have a backup plan.  Try faking a seizure or saying “OH LOOK! AN EAGLE!”

Pay your friend

Yeah, we know, you’re trying to avoid this consequence, but you shouldn’t have opened your big yap in the first place.

Kill your friend

It’s harsh, but IT’S ONE-HUNDRED DOLLARS.  That’s more than some small countries’ GDP.  And it’s not just the money–it’s your pride.  Could you handle having a friend heckling you for “being gullible,” “being stupid,” “having a big mouth,” and “having bad grammar.”

Act like it never happened

When your friend stumbles around to gather his winnings he so-rightfully deserves, just say “What?  What do YOU MEAN I OWE YOU ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!”  He’ll inevitably ask for the money again, when you start faking a sub-standard lifestyle.  Try to convince your friend that you already spent your economic stimulus check.  And when that doesn’t work (It won’t–we promise) LIE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER LIED BEFORE.

Fall into hiding

This looks cozy.

We’ve never been THIS desperate to evade trouble, so we can’t give you any pointers on living in the jungle, although we can recommend a soundtrack!

Kill yourself

Believe us–if the Japanese made this bet, they’d already be dead.  The ancient suicide ritual seppuku has spared thousands (millions?) of Japanese the embarrassment of admitting failure.  But, seeing how you’ve written this letter, you’ve already admitted that you lost.  This is probably not your best option.

We really hope that this run-down of cowardly escape routes has helped you maintain your measly net worth, and helped you score $100 dollars from your smarter-than-you friend.

Oh, and your bonus question about avoiding this problem in the future?  Answer: shut your mouth.  That should be rather obvious.

Thanks for writing in!
Brad Kovach and Friends

If you need a slice of wisdom, email us for help!

ask@bradkovach.com

We look forward to solving your problems!

I hate to make this appear as a sports site as there are many of those when it comes to a connection with SV.  Just look at the school district site or the Independent site.  You would think the only thing that matters in the universe is sports and maybe the hospital, but mostly sports in the case of SV (I can see the importance of the hospital, but enough with the sports focus please!!!).  Anyway, that is a topic for another post, and I apologize for creating a “Sports” category at BKaF (I promise moderation in all things!).  For now, I focus my attention on the Chicago Cubs.

For many years I have followed the Chicago Cubs baseball team.  For all those years I have experienced nothing but heartbreak.  Technology led me to be a Cubs fan as you had two choices with the advent of cable TV: WTBS and the Atlanta Braves or WGN and the Cubs.  I liked Atlanta’s Dale Murphy, but there was just something about the Cubs that roped me in.

In 1984 I thought we were headed to the World Series, but I soon learned that this would not be the case.  :-( Nevertheless, I have hung in there.  There have been a few other close calls along the way.  In 2003 we were so close I was considering attending the World Series in Chicago, but that dream was dashed in game 6 and later 7 with the Florida Marlins.  Things went down hill from there, until this year.

The Cubs now hold the best record in Major League Baseball:  47 W, 28 L .627.  I watched the Cubs whip up on the hometown AL rivals the White Sox yesterday as the Cubs bats came unleashed in the 4th inning!  It is good to be a Cub fan right now.  My hopes are that this all continues, but in the back of my mind I work to protect my heart.  The Cubs haven’t won the World Series since 1908.  100 years is a long time to wait, and I have only had to suffer through 42 of those years (part of which was spent in diapers which served as the most of my worries especially when, well you know!).

I wear my Cubs hats proudly wherever I go, and I have had to take the humiliation from St, Louis Cardinal fans for way too long.  It is our time, and I want it to be.  I hope it is.  Go Cubbies!!!