Recently, you may have noticed that Facebook has allowed users to pick usernames.  Upon learning this news, I immediately thought, “How convenient will this make it for people to find  me!?  This is fantastic news!  Now, I will be able to rapidly expand my internet empire with a eponymously chosen username!”

I was looking forward to June 12 at 10:01 pm when I would finally claim http://www.facebook.com/bradkovach.  But I had to work at 5:00 am the next day.  So I loaded my ears with foam plugs and went to bed at 9:10.  This is now my biggest regret.  I, being fully able to conveniently register ‘bradkovach’ as my username at every other site on the entire internet, assumed that I could go to bed, and work my formidable nine-hour shift, come home and register my name.

It might surprise you then, considering my previous luck registering ‘bradkovach’ on EVERY OTHER WEBSITE, that I was unable to register http://www.facebook.com/bradkovach for use in my Internet empire.

Well then, who did?

This guy:

Another Brad Kovach

So now, I must write a letter to Brad Kovach.  From Brad Kovach.

Dear Brad Kovach,

You might know me from the first four results when you Google your (our) name.  I am Brad Kovach.  Not only am I Brad Kovach, but I am the most important and most accomplished Brad Kovach on the Internet–until now.

You see, Brad Kovach, you have damaged my ego.  I have successfully been building my Internet empire from a very young age.  I have been signing up for websites using “bradkovach” as my username successfully for years now.  Today, however, you ruined me.  You STOLE my username on Facebook.  While this is a small victory for you, you will not win this name war.  You see, while you have taken a highly coveted username on a very prestigious site, you cannot outdo me.  Let’s check the scoreboard.

Brad Kovach (me)	Brad Kovach (you)
MySpace (which I cancelled–taking the username with me.) Twitter Google (yeah–GOOGLE) Digg Reddit YouTube WordPress.com Flickr bradkovach.com (checkmate)	Facebook LinkedIn?
At least 9…	1… maybe 2?

I suppose it’s normal to be a celebrity and have imposters and doppelgangers. I can live with these side-effects of fame.

Sincerely,
(the real) Brad Kovach

So here is the happy ending: I picked an equally awesome username for Facebook. You may now check out my profile at http://www.facebook.com/thebradkovach.

Also, since I am a jerk that WILL kick a horse while they are down, I have redirected all of the bradkovach.com/site urls to their respective site.  For example, http://www.bradkovach.com/facebook will take you to my Facebook profile.

Trojan (the condom manufacturer) is running a controversial advertising campaign on MySpace. Their message is “evolve.” I’m not even going to discuss the irony that evolution with a condom is impossible.

I am, however very upset that a company is promoting “sexual health” by advertising condoms. This is just wrong.

The facts

* Sexually transmitted diseases are nearly impossible to transmit unless having sexual intercourse.
* Abstinence is the best contraceptive and the best disease “control.”
* Just because abstinence education isn’t working, doesn’t mean that it’s a waste of time.
* We aren’t beasts, as sensationalized marketing states.
* 42,000 people contract an STD annually.

Quit patronizing me. Your marketing tactics are evil.

You’d think that a large, multi-national company would have a positive message, such as “don’t have sex, until you are in a life-long relationship, like marriage.” Instead they (Trojan) say:

Often, we promote ideology over information—such as when we deny people comprehensive sex education in favor of “abstinence-only” programs even though government studies show they don’t work.

That’s almost as pointless as saying late detection of cancer might as well go untreated. Our generation is in a hard place. We shouldn’t be having sex right now. We should be making good choices, like picking a college and responsibly enjoying our time with each other. We should NOT let ourselves be inundated with immoral messages implying that we are beasts and should therefore have sex (because we’re obviously ready), but just use a condom.

By the same logic, you could say don’t do drugs, but if you do, use a clean needle. It’s mind-numbing that this message is being broadcast to over 200,000,000 people! It needs to stop. If you are sick of it, send along the message.

If you believe in abstinence until marriage, sign your name at the bottom and pass it on. If you believe that Trojan has no business broadcasting a sexually promiscuous message to over 200 million people, sign this and pass it on. If you believe that the best way to stop unwanted pregnancy is to stop having sex, sign it and pass it on. We need to stand up for our generation! If we’re going to “evolve,” we’ll make the safest choice: abstinence. Sign it and pass it on!

Tom owned us. We used to have a lot of fun on MySpace. MySpace is losing its spunk. The internet is moving on…

One of MySpace’s most interesting features has been the ability to embed HTML of any variety into it. This may be why it is winning the popularity contest between Facebook and Bebo, and other popular social networks. People are intrigued by the fact that their profile reflects their personality.

The MySpace Debut in November of 2003 was amazing. No one had been on such a fun site as MySpace. You could find your friends and you could comment on their public profiles. Pictures were easy to share, and it was great. One of the distinct features of MySpace was the fact that you could send bulletins to everybody you were friends with. Everybody else couldn’t see them. It was the best way to gather a cult.

But then MySpace lost its credibility: online pedophilia hit the mainstream. Parents feared the word “MySpace.” MySpace got tons of bad press. People were skeptical of MySpace because they thought that membership was synonymous with rape. But that blew over. The occasional moron with gasp when you declare you have a MySpace, but hey! all the kids use it.

People still love its features, but is MySpace really that great anymore?

No. Not at all. In fact, people are wanting more features, hence the MySpace to Facebook exodus (you heard it here first). People are not impressed with simply social networking, they want social networking with style. MySpace is becoming over-commercial. I don’t blame them. It’s a huge moneymaking platform.

The great “features” that used to be so great are simply boring now. People can’t seem to figure out that a bulletin is not an email forward. Bulletins weren’t designed to be filled with email forwards, that’s what email is for. People delete email forwards (unless you’re my Grandma). It’s too bad we can’t delete bulletins. I love being burdened with the hundreds of years of bad luck/relationship problems/general misfortune because I didn’t repost the bulletin. Frankly, I feel bad for the database that has to hold all that crap.

MySpace brought social networking out, but did it really do the internet a favor? No. If anything, the internet has suffered because of MySpace. People are now starting to “code” their own MySpace pages. Usually they’re pasting in a design with advertisements for Pyzam, or their favorite MySpace “code” provider. Serious internet developers are disgusted with MySpace. It is messy. Design techniques that MySpace uses are old, deprecated, and just plain ugly. The world has moved on to Web 2.0, which consists of websites like Twitter, Blinksale, and Digg. Meanwhile, MySpace is stuck using old techniques that make content ugly and make the servers slow and burdened. They’ve got a lot of work to do to make it fun again.

Things for MySpace to work on

• For the love of God, redesign!
• Features, like an API (Similar to Facebook Platform).
• Make your code validate.
• Ditch tables… opt for DIV tags instead.
• Less ugliness and more fun