Recently, you may have noticed that Facebook has allowed users to pick usernames.  Upon learning this news, I immediately thought, “How convenient will this make it for people to find  me!?  This is fantastic news!  Now, I will be able to rapidly expand my internet empire with a eponymously chosen username!”

I was looking forward to June 12 at 10:01 pm when I would finally claim http://www.facebook.com/bradkovach.  But I had to work at 5:00 am the next day.  So I loaded my ears with foam plugs and went to bed at 9:10.  This is now my biggest regret.  I, being fully able to conveniently register ‘bradkovach’ as my username at every other site on the entire internet, assumed that I could go to bed, and work my formidable nine-hour shift, come home and register my name.

It might surprise you then, considering my previous luck registering ‘bradkovach’ on EVERY OTHER WEBSITE, that I was unable to register http://www.facebook.com/bradkovach for use in my Internet empire.

Well then, who did?

This guy:

Another Brad Kovach

So now, I must write a letter to Brad Kovach.  From Brad Kovach.

Dear Brad Kovach,

You might know me from the first four results when you Google your (our) name.  I am Brad Kovach.  Not only am I Brad Kovach, but I am the most important and most accomplished Brad Kovach on the Internet–until now.

You see, Brad Kovach, you have damaged my ego.  I have successfully been building my Internet empire from a very young age.  I have been signing up for websites using “bradkovach” as my username successfully for years now.  Today, however, you ruined me.  You STOLE my username on Facebook.  While this is a small victory for you, you will not win this name war.  You see, while you have taken a highly coveted username on a very prestigious site, you cannot outdo me.  Let’s check the scoreboard.

Brad Kovach (me)	Brad Kovach (you)
MySpace (which I cancelled–taking the username with me.) Twitter Google (yeah–GOOGLE) Digg Reddit YouTube WordPress.com Flickr bradkovach.com (checkmate)	Facebook LinkedIn?
At least 9…	1… maybe 2?

I suppose it’s normal to be a celebrity and have imposters and doppelgangers. I can live with these side-effects of fame.

Sincerely,
(the real) Brad Kovach

So here is the happy ending: I picked an equally awesome username for Facebook. You may now check out my profile at http://www.facebook.com/thebradkovach.

Also, since I am a jerk that WILL kick a horse while they are down, I have redirected all of the bradkovach.com/site urls to their respective site.  For example, http://www.bradkovach.com/facebook will take you to my Facebook profile.

ONE OF THESE DAYS I will get Dugg. Being Dugg is a word used to describe when your site hits the front page of social-news über-phenomenon digg.com, where “democracy” picks the best content.

I always try to write articles that are Digg-worthy, but I never get promoted. I have submitted stories that were subsequently promoted to the front page, but they were both videos.

I would do anything, short of killing myself. I write awesome content (including Top 10 lists!). I try to make the site fun-to-read and easy-to-navigate.

In order to make digg/popular, I would…

• Skip graduation.
• Kill an adorable kitten.
• Vote for Hillary.
• Swear at the Pope.
• Quit my jobs.
• Drop out of school.
• Cancel my Facebook account, even though it’s virtually impossible.
• Embezzle money.
• Edit my own (non-existant) Wikipedia entry.
• Buy Adobe(R) Photoshop(TM).
• Stop wearing underwear.