Selective Service–I’m registered!
I had to register for Selective Service today. But, it’s not as easy as they’re trying to make it. A stupid mistake is causing problems for THOUSANDS of people every day.
- April 8, 2008
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ASP, duh, government, killing myself, microsoft, no way, server configuration, timeout
Dear Mr. KOVACH,
Our records identify you as a man who may be required to register with Selective Service, but has not done so. You may register online via the Internet at www.sss.gov, by telephone, or indicate you are registered by completing Section A of the enclosed Registration Status Form. If you believe you are not required to register, complete Section B of the form and provide supporting evidence (copies only). Please verify and, if necessary, correct all information on the form. Sign and date the form and return it to us in the enclosed envelope within 10 days.
Failure to register with Selective Service is a Federal crime punishable by a fine and imprisonment. Men who fail to register may be unable to obtain U.S. citizenship, and are not eligible for certain Federal benefits, such as job training, student financial aid and government employment. Registration protects that eligibility. Our objective is to register you, not to have you prosecuted.
If you need help in completing the form, or have questions about registering, phone us at: 1-888-655-1825.
I’m 18 now–and I have the Gillette Fusion razor to prove it. (For the uninitiated, Gillette gives every man a free razor for his 18th birthday. I don’t know how they know that you’re turning 18, but they JUST DO.)
I received this cheery letter today. For those too impatient to read it, it kindly tried to state that I have to register for Selective Service, or I will go to jail. I muttered to myself “WHAT A PAIN!” And then, amidst the threats of prosecution, there it was: a website. A place on the Internet–where 90% of my time seems to go–where I can just fill out the form and get on with my life. Awesome, right?!
Wrong.
WHO IS IN CHARGE AT THE IT DEPARTMENT THERE? This website is a disaster. I tried to register, but I got a timeout error screen, which means a server wasn’t responding to my requests.
This poorly configured server, which has inevitably confronted 75% of all US men who’ve tried to register online, is turning away tons of traffic. And why? Because somebody forgot to check a box when the set the site up. I finally got to the website. The problem? I forgot to put “www.” in front of the address. Oops.
I finally get in and am greeted by their army of animated GIFs.
Look, US Government, if you’re going to force your country’s men to do a tedious task that SHOULD be taken care of for us, at least make the process work. By “SHOULD be taken care of for us,” I mean that they have the means to just pull our names out of a hat. Why don’t they? If they knew I’m 18, why didn’t they just REGISTER ME?
Neil Hokanson, who is more enlightened on matters patriotic, what is the answer?
Just remember–if it’s your turn to go through this rigamarole, don’t forget the www.
About Brad
Brad Kovach is an award-winning web developer from Afton, Wyoming. In his spare time, he enjoys drumming on Rock Band, and playing with this website.
7 Responses to “Selective Service–I’m registered!”
Jessica
On April 8th, 2008
10:11 pm
The U.S. wants YOU to make their websites pretty.
Brad Kovach
On April 9th, 2008
9:33 am
Thomas, did you even READ the article? Their web server is poorly configured and caused problems for me, and inevitably thousands of other warmongers-to-be.
I did, however, get into the system and the registration was very painless.
I’m only trying to say that it’s 2008, and their website looks and acts like 1995. (They’re 13 years behind).
Thomas
On April 9th, 2008
6:40 pm
I never read anything you write.
wyocold
On April 10th, 2008
6:57 pm
The summer before I started high school, 1980, the selective service registration was instituted. Mr. Mower, yes that Mr. Mower - someone go and say hello to him for me, taught us about the new process in civics class our freshman year. Every young man born after January 1, 1960 would be required to register for the selective service upon reaching the age of 18. You stay in the system until age 26.
Once I was about to hit 18, in 1983, I went to the local post office, picked up a form, filled it out with a pen that had been chained to the counter top by a USPS official. Upon completion, I popped it in the mail. Not once did I encounter this so called time out error, but I think I may have from my mom after I teased my sisters when I got home from the post office.
I do remember sliding in a laser disc of “Heaven Can Wait” when I got home and later playing Pitfall on my sister’s Atari 2600. I also made a mix cassette tape for my Sony Walkman that was a collection of songs from Van Halen and some other groups. Mostly, it was Van Halen.
Registering for the selective service requires action in a free society. Yes, an automatic registration could take place, but that could be consider forced conscription which may fall under the 13th amendment of the Constitution. It is a completely voluntary act that is enhanced by the 5 years in prison and/or a $250,00.00 fine if you don’t register; plus, you can be denied student financial aid. With incentives like that who wouldn’t want to register!?!
I’m proud you registered Brad, and Thomas, and welcome to the ranks of those of us that have gone before you. I hope, as I did when I registered, that we never have to utilize the selective service, but I know it is something that helps our nation be prepared.
Brad, did you get time out errors because you were using Windows 3.1 and a 28.8 modem? I have a 33.6 modem I can send you, and you can get Windows 95 for cheap on eBay. Let me know.
Brad Kovach
On April 11th, 2008
12:43 pm
“It is a completely voluntary act that is enhanced by the 5 years in prison and/or a $250,00.00 fine if you don’t register; plus, you can be denied student financial aid. With incentives like that who wouldn’t want to register!?!”
I love the irony in that statement. Somehow, that “voluntary” act is made involuntary Gestapo-style. Right? That is how Nazi-Germany handled these types of matters. Right? Am I right?
Thomas
On April 13th, 2008
5:51 pm
I am the only liberal awash in a sea of republicans. Just kidding.
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Thomas
On April 8th, 2008
8:24 pm
Dude, I don’t know what the dealio was with you, I put my name, sex, and social security number, and I was good to go. Maybe the government doesn’t want you to register!