Cooking with Thomas - PBJ (For Dummies)
All right people, let’s do this.
Ok, now, I know you’re saying, “Peanut Butter and Jelly? Why would he teach us to do this?”
Because, sadly enough, 75 percent of Americans do not know how to properly create the culinary masterpiece that is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. ¹
Fear not. I am here to help.
Step 1: Get some bread. Any kind works, it’s a friggin peanut butter jelly sandwich. I like the kind with like 45 grains in it though. Lay both pieces out so you may spread on them.
Step 2: Get peanut butter. No, not that natural stuff, it tastes like licking a butt. Get Jif. Because Choosy Moms Choose It. In the case of the jelly, get whatever, I like raspberry.
Step 3: Spread the peanut butter on one slice of bread. The key is not to have too much, and not have to little. Here’s the rule: use common sense. But, it is essential that you cover the slice of bread completely. Many times have I received a sandwich that has a blob of peanut butter in the corner, and nowhere else. Needless to say, it was not satisfying. Use my artsy picture for reference.
Step 4: Spread the jelly on the other slice of bread. DO NOT PUT IT ON THE SAME SLICE AS THE PB. Make sure that there is an even coat, with a little bit more jelly than peanut butter. It serves as a lubricant. Once again, see artsy reference.
Step 5: Put both pieces together. Try to make them even, or I’ll punch you in the face.
Step 6: Eat. I like to cut mine in half and serve it with a glass of milk. Do not use a chainsaw.
You’re welcome, America. The first step to a better, more respected nation starts today. Tomorrow, the energy crisis.
¹ Taken from www.ThomasKnowsEverythingAndHeIsInfallible.com
-Tom
About Thomas
Thomas Wells came in to the world on December 7, 1989, covered in goobers and various other slimy things. Not much has changed since then. When he grows up, he wants to write comic books, and never do any real work.
4 Responses to “Cooking with Thomas - PBJ (For Dummies)”
Brad Kovach
On April 27th, 2008
1:06 pm
The red borders indicate that the picture has a link attached to it. It’s a best-practice in the Internet industry to ALWAYS indicate if there is a link attached to something.
Thomas Wells
On April 27th, 2008
3:33 pm
Ahhhhhh…
Jessica
On April 27th, 2008
5:59 pm
that looks delicious. i’m glad you added the part about spreading it all the way over the bread. biting peanut butter-less bread on a PB+J just sucks.
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Thomas Wells
On April 27th, 2008
10:45 am
Brad, I don’t know why all the pictures have red borders! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!