Cooking with Thomas - Gas (WTF?)
Walking, Turning off switches, and unplugging things replaces food this week.
Gas? Gas? You, the astute reader, is probably saying, “But you can’t cook gas.”
You are correct. Gas is not edible, nor is it a major ingredient in any recipe. But, I’ve decided to cook you a cheaper gas bill.
How, you ask?
Simple, I like visionaries before me, am here to usher in a new era, I am here to tell you how dumb you are, and make you all better.
So, let’s get cracking. Actually, cracking uses gas. Let’s get zero-emissionsing.
Step 1: Turn off your friggin’ lights. The sun puts out a lotta light, and a lotta heat. Amazingly enough, during the daytime, this is more than enough to light your home. So, not every single light in your house needs to be on at all times. This requires almost no effort. Just flip the switch.
Step 2: Take things off standby mode. Odds are, your television has a standby mode. This is where the remote power button enables the TV to be turned on and off more quickly and easily. There is a big power button on the TV. Push it when you’re done watching. Standby mode sucks power constantly and makes for wah-wah on the power bill. Also, many other appliances (not your fridge) benefit from being unplugged. Laptops, unplug the power adapter when you’re done charging.
Step 3: Stop driving your car everywhere. Gas is like what, $3.43/gallon. Just ride a bike or walk. Believe it or not, mankind got by for like 3000 years before the invention of the Mercedes. You can do it, and you might get in a little bit o’ shape.
So, I leave you with these few tips. Maybe next week I’ll cook something.
-Tom
About Thomas
Thomas Wells came in to the world on December 7, 1989, covered in goobers and various other slimy things. Not much has changed since then. When he grows up, he wants to write comic books, and never do any real work.
5 Responses to “Cooking with Thomas - Gas (WTF?)”
Thomas
On May 4th, 2008
9:27 pm
Brad, that’s no way to treat someone who invented the internet.
Jessica
On May 4th, 2008
9:37 pm
75% of the time I walk. the rest, I’m carpooling to the extreme. like, five or six people in a car.
!Brads #1 Fan!
On May 5th, 2008
9:24 am
i WILL destroy the earth by leaving my light on… would you like to know why? because it’s my right! mwahahahahahahaha
Katie
On May 6th, 2008
7:55 pm
Wait… Al Gore invented the internet? I thought Gawain did that… Or was it the Green Knight? Or possibly it was his whorish wife… Oooh. That plot is more exciting that last week’s episode of “The Office”. Haha. Totally kidding. Nothing captures my attention like The Office.
It’s too bad A for anything else.
And I like standby mode. It saves my right index finger a lot of button pushing hassling. :]
Seriously, kidding again. I would go green, and install solar panels in my home… if the sun were ever out… and if my mom didn’t mind HUGE reflector things sitting on top of our house.
Wow. I’m rambling. End of transmission.
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Brad Kovach
On May 4th, 2008
8:30 pm
I will continue driving my AWESOME FORD RANGER to school because I hate exercise! Simultaneously, I hate the environment–especially oxygen.
Although, since it IS SBO week, I might consider bike-riding as a form of transit. I’ll be in town a lot, I suspect. How will I be a successful business person AND a campaign manager?! ZOMG THE PLOT THICKENS.
As far as turning off the lights, HOW WILL I SEE? THE SMOG HAS ALREADY BLOTTED OUT THE SUN.
Al Gore can suck it. By “it,” I mean ethanol. Al Gore can suck ETHANOL.