Ask BKaF: My Olympic Bet
So you’re going to lose a bet? We’ll try to help.
Dear BKaF,
I recently bet my friend $100 that the United States would win a gold medal in every single event we competed in. Aside from Michael Phelps, we aren’t doing to [sic] well.
What can I do to resolve this situation? And, as a bonus question, how can I avoid this in the future?
Sincerely,
Overzealous Olympian
Dear Overconfident,
There are a number of things that you can do to remedy this situation:
Edit Wikipedia
Wikipedia is the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit–even you! When your friend asks you to pay up, show him the Wikipedia page summarizing the United States’ EPIC WIN at the Olympics. If he starts asking to “see citations” you need to have a backup plan. Try faking a seizure or saying “OH LOOK! AN EAGLE!”
Pay your friend
Yeah, we know, you’re trying to avoid this consequence, but you shouldn’t have opened your big yap in the first place.
Kill your friend
It’s harsh, but IT’S ONE-HUNDRED DOLLARS. That’s more than some small countries’ GDP. And it’s not just the money–it’s your pride. Could you handle having a friend heckling you for “being gullible,” “being stupid,” “having a big mouth,” and “having bad grammar.”
Act like it never happened
When your friend stumbles around to gather his winnings he so-rightfully deserves, just say “What? What do YOU MEAN I OWE YOU ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!” He’ll inevitably ask for the money again, when you start faking a sub-standard lifestyle. Try to convince your friend that you already spent your economic stimulus check. And when that doesn’t work (It won’t–we promise) LIE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER LIED BEFORE.
Fall into hiding
This looks cozy.
We’ve never been THIS desperate to evade trouble, so we can’t give you any pointers on living in the jungle, although we can recommend a soundtrack!
Kill yourself
Believe us–if the Japanese made this bet, they’d already be dead. The ancient suicide ritual seppuku has spared thousands (millions?) of Japanese the embarrassment of admitting failure. But, seeing how you’ve written this letter, you’ve already admitted that you lost. This is probably not your best option.
We really hope that this run-down of cowardly escape routes has helped you maintain your measly net worth, and helped you score $100 dollars from your smarter-than-you friend.
Oh, and your bonus question about avoiding this problem in the future? Answer: shut your mouth. That should be rather obvious.
Thanks for writing in!
Brad Kovach and Friends
If you need a slice of wisdom, email us for help!
ask@bradkovach.com
We look forward to solving your problems!
About Brad
Brad Kovach is an award-winning web developer from Afton, Wyoming. In his spare time, he enjoys drumming on Rock Band, and playing with this website.
2 Responses to “Ask BKaF: My Olympic Bet”
Digler
On September 3rd, 2008
1:39 pm
Hey Brad its me Dirk. I played this game on the computer. And o ya me at the top of the list ya because of u u r a genius……. Well later man ppl get help from this guy he is a genius peace out bro
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Brad Kovach and friends is a website made by friends for the world's enjoyment. We like computers, art, having fun, and sharing! We try to keep things G-rated, but we're all adults–so take that for what it's worth. This page took 24 queries and 0.693 seconds of computer labor to produce.
Prudence Bajingo
On August 16th, 2008
3:32 pm
I REALLY enjoy reading the ways to avoid paying your friend… oh.. and “playing with your website” is website code from something else? *wink wink* I enjoyed this… I hope there are more advice columns in the future so that I can acquire common sense!